


Overheard (at) the Scene

by westiec



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, M/M, Misunderstandings, Spideypool - Freeform, outsider pov, poor confused baddies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-07-03 08:19:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15815067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westiec/pseuds/westiec
Summary: They planned for the rest of the day and even throughout their patrol, earning some funny looks from the criminals they apprehended. Wade would have figured that no crook in the greater NYC metro area would be surprised by anything that came out of either of their mouths at this point – maybe these were noobs.Or maybe Wade and Peter don't realize quite how their scene negotiation sounds when you're just an honest criminal minding his own business.





	Overheard (at) the Scene

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cinco](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cinco/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Act](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15802704) by [Crockzilla](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crockzilla/pseuds/Crockzilla). 



> This was directly inspired by Crockzilla's [Act](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15802704/chapters/36778551), so you should really go read that first. 
> 
> *waits*
> 
> If those tags aren't for you, context is Wade and Peter are planning a kink scene that sounds very confusing and distressing to their friendly neighborhood baddies. This is for Cinco, whose comment made me go, "but imagine being the hapless crook?"

If you'd asked Murphy Callaghan yesterday morning what he'd be thinking about in jail, he'd have decked you for assuming he'd get caught. Said something about figuring out who he could convince to post his bail or water his peace lily, maybe. (Shaddup, they purify the air and make a place look classy too.) "Worrying about Spider-Man's mental health" would definitely not have made the list.

That was before everything went tits up last night when the two mouthiest supers in New York happened to be patrolling the same neighborhood he'd staked out for this latest job. He wasn't really paying attention to their jabbering when they first swung in, too busy cursing his rotten luck under his breath as Deadpool relieved him of his loot and Spider-Man webbed him up, until he caught an anguished: “Look, I can't wait for the special gun, please just do me with the knife already! Is it gonna hurt?”

_What? Was Spidey…?_ Surely he'd misunderstood. And everyone knew Deadpool had once been a gun for hire, but the word on the street was that he'd gone straight about the time he started teaming up with the webhead. (There was even a rumor that the two were partners out of the spandex too, but Murph figured that was none of his business.) So why was Spider-Man asking him to kill him?

“Absolutely not,” the former merc replied. _Good_ , thought Murph, until he continued, “I can do it with the knife if you really can't stand it, sugarbear, but I'm not gonna hurt you with this.”

_What the hell??_ Sure, Murph wasn't feeling particularly charitable towards the guy at the moment, but Spidey was a New York legend. He’d protected the city from aliens and mad scientists and giant ooze monsters alike. He might be a nobody to the hero, but he couldn't just let him throw it all away. He had to try to say something.

“Please - ya don't have to - whatever it is, this isn't the answer!” he spluttered. They both stared at him, and it was really bizarre how two guys in full face masks could manage to look so obviously befuddled. He hoped they'd listened though. Spider-Man was a real deal hero, even if he was the reason Murph was currently looking at six months to a year for petty larceny. He really was gonna have to find somebody to take that peace lily now...

He was interrupted from his pondering by the clanging of the holding cell door. He couldn't help his feeling of relief or the low chuckle that escaped when he noticed the new guy was trying in vain to get webbing out of his hair. “No use, pal,” he offered with a grin, “just gotta wait a couple hours for it to dissolve. Dunno what our local webslinger makes that junk out of, but it was impossible to get off.”

“Man, I don't know and I don't wanna know,” the guy shot back. “Dude wouldn't shut up about how hard he'd come when Deadpool cut his clothes off and made him cry and how he couldn't wait to return the favor. Hell, I thought DP was gonna jump him right there; that spandex does not hide much. Never been so excited to hear a squad car coming my way.”

_Well then._ No wonder they'd looked so confused. Add to the list of things Murph never imagined he'd be thinking: “Spider-Man is definitely banging Deadpool, and they are a pair of truly kinky motherfuckers.”

Did kinda explain the webs, he supposed.


End file.
